How can I help my teen who is struggling emotionally?

We know it hurts to watch your child struggle. You do not need all the answers to help. You need to notice, stay close, and bring in support early. This is general information, not medical advice.

What can I do today?

Ask, then listen. Pick a calm moment, like a car ride or a walk. Say what you have noticed, without blame. "You have been staying in your room a lot. I'm worried about you." Let your teen talk. Don't rush to fix it or argue with how they feel. A teen who feels depressed is not making it up.

Keep the door open. If your teen won't talk today, say "I'm here when you're ready," and try again later. Small, regular check ins often work better than one big talk.

Save numbers in their phone. The National Institute of Mental Health suggests saving a trusted friend or relative, the police non emergency line, and 988 in your child's phone.

Bring in other adults. A teacher, the school counselor or your teen's doctor can help. You can ask the school counselor to check in with your teen.

What are common teen mental health concerns? {#concerns}

Depression and anxiety are the two that doctors are told to look for in every teen. A national expert panel recommends screening for anxiety from ages 8 to 18 and for depression from ages 12 to 18. Watch for changes that last, not one bad day. Signs health agencies list include:

• Seeming sad, hopeless or irritable a lot of the time
• Losing interest in things they used to enjoy
• Sleeping or eating much more or much less
• Spending more time alone, or pulling away from friends
• Trouble focusing, or falling behind at school
• Not caring about how they look
• Often seeming fearful or worried
• Stomachaches or headaches with no medical cause
• Using alcohol or drugs
• Hurting themselves, such as cutting or burning
• Hearing things other people cannot hear

One sign alone does not mean depression. Many teens have a rough week. Several of these signs together, nearly every day, are red flags.

When to get help: if signs last more than two weeks, or they get in the way of life at home, at school or with friends, talk with your teen's doctor. Doctors screen many patients ages 12 to 21 for depression every year, so this is a normal thing to ask about. Trauma and stress can cause similar signs, so a careful check by a professional matters.

What if my teen is in danger? {#danger}

Get help as soon as possible if your teen talks about wanting to die, feels like a burden, seems hopeless or trapped, makes a plan, pulls away from everyone, or takes dangerous risks. This matters most when a sign is new or getting worse.

• Ask directly: "Are you thinking about killing yourself?" Studies show asking does not raise the risk.
• Stay close. Do not leave your teen alone if you think they are in danger.
• Make the home safer. Remove or lock up guns, medicines, alcohol and other dangerous items.
• Call or text 988 for help. You can contact 988 because you are worried about someone else. Fewer than 2 percent of 988 calls involve emergency services.
• Call 911 if a life is in danger right now.

DNLH is not a crisis line. Please use 988 or 911.

Where can we get help for free?

• Your teen's doctor or clinic. If you are not sure where to start, ask the pediatrician or family doctor.
• Medi-Cal. Children up to age 18 can get full Medi-Cal no matter their immigration status, if they meet the other rules. Medi-Cal covers confidential mental health care for children and youth under 21. Starting January 1, 2027, many children with "unsatisfactory immigration status" move from a health plan to Medi-Cal Fee for Service; they keep Medi-Cal, and county specialty mental health care continues (DHCS). Medi-Cal Help Line: 1-800-541-5555.
• Your county line. For San Mateo County residents: (800) 686-0101. Staff speak English, Spanish and Chinese, with free phone interpreters. You can call about someone you are worried about. For Santa Clara County residents: (800) 704-0900, press 1, with a 24 hour youth crisis team at the same number. Other California counties: DHCS county list. Outside California, ask your teen's doctor or call 988 for local options.
• allcove, for families near San Mateo or Palo Alto. Centers there serve ages 12 to 25 with mild to moderate needs. Services are free or low cost, and they confirm the cost before the visit.

About consent: in California, a teen 12 or older who is mature enough can agree to outpatient counseling without a parent. The provider is expected to involve the parent unless that would be inappropriate. Medicine still needs a parent's consent.

About your family's privacy: under California law, a health provider must treat immigration status it knows as protected medical information. It may not share it for immigration enforcement except as the law allows, such as with your permission or a court order or judge's warrant. See Will my therapist share my information with immigration?

Who can help?

Contact them to confirm hours, languages and openings. Being listed here is not a referral or a promise of service.

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org
• For San Mateo County residents: ACCESS Call Center: (800) 686-0101, TTY 711
• For Santa Clara County residents: Behavioral Health Call Center: (800) 704-0900, press 1
• Other California counties: DHCS county mental health lines
• allcove San Mateo: (650) 226-7030. allcove Palo Alto: (650) 798-6330
• For East Palo Alto and nearby: Ravenswood Family Health Network counseling: (650) 330-7400

Caring for a struggling teen is hard on you too. It is okay to reach out for support yourself.

Related questions

• Who can a teen talk to about problems?
• Where can teens and young adults find therapy?
• Signs of depression and anxiety in yourself or your family

Hard seasons do not last forever. With your love and the right help, teens do get through this.