Getting help after a suicide attempt, for you and your family

Do Not Lose Hope is not a crisis line, a clinic or a counselor. This page is not medical advice. It points you to people trained to help.

This page is about the days, weeks and months after an attempt. If someone is thinking of suicide right now, go to What to do right now. If you lost someone to suicide, see Grieving someone who died by suicide.

Why do the weeks after an attempt matter so much?

Because recovery does not end when the hospital stay ends. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) says the first six months after a hospital stay are especially critical, and suicide risk stays higher for the first year. That is not a reason to panic. It is a reason to stay close and keep care going.

Staying in touch helps. The National Institute of Mental Health says supportive, ongoing contact can play an important role in suicide prevention. A text, a meal together, a ride to an appointment: these small things count.

Many people who survive an attempt go on to live full lives. AFSP and Didi Hirsch, one of the oldest suicide prevention centers in the country, both describe recovery and hope as possible. Your family can get there one week at a time.

What do we do in the first two weeks?

Start with safety and the next appointment. Then focus on being together.

1. Make the home safer. AFSP tells families to reduce access to means, such as removing or safely storing firearms and medications. Move guns out of the home if you can do it safely, for example to a trusted relative. Lock up prescription and over the counter pills and keep only small amounts. Ask their doctor or counselor what else to remove.
2. Know the follow up plan. Before they leave the hospital, we suggest asking staff: Who is their next appointment with? When? What medicines are they on, and what are the side effects? Who do we call if things get worse at night? Write the answers down.
3. Keep the first appointment. Offer a ride. Sit in the waiting room. If the appointment falls through, call again the same day. In San Mateo County, call ACCESS at (800) 686-0101. In Santa Clara County, call (800) 704-0900.
4. Stay close. AFSP says to stay close, especially in the first few weeks. Face to face is best. Calls, video and texts help too.
5. Make a safety plan together. A safety plan lists warning signs, ways to cope, people to call and how to stay safe. AFSP encourages survivors to make one with their counselor. NIMH says a plan like this can reduce the risk of acting on suicidal thoughts. See Make a safety plan for hard moments.
6. Lighten their load. AFSP suggests helping reduce their workload and letting others take over daily tasks for a while. Encourage regular sleep, meals and time with people who are good for them.

What do we say to each other?

You do not need perfect words. AFSP tells families to talk openly and ask what they need. Lines that often help:

• "I'm so glad you're here."
• "You don't have to explain anything right now."
• "What would help you this week?"
• "If the thoughts come back, will you tell me? I won't be angry."

Try not to lecture, blame or ask "How could you do this to us?" Those feelings are real, and you can bring them to your own counselor or support group. With them, lead with care.

It is okay to ask directly, "Are you having thoughts of suicide again?" Research shows asking does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior. For more on this, see How to talk with someone you love about suicide.

Where can they get ongoing care?

Therapy and medical follow up are the backbone of recovery. AFSP says a good therapist or doctor can help put the experience in perspective and build a safety plan.

If you have Medi-Cal. Medi-Cal plans handle mild to moderate mental health care for adults, and county mental health plans handle more serious needs. Call the number on your Medi-Cal card, or your county line. The Medi-Cal Help Line is 1-800-541-5555. If you have restricted scope (emergency only) Medi-Cal, routine counseling is not a listed benefit, but emergency psychiatric hospital care is covered. Ask your county line what low cost care is open to you. See Mental health care without fear.

San Mateo County residents. The county ACCESS line gives information, an assessment and a referral for mental health and substance use services, and you can call about someone you are worried about. The number is (800) 686-0101, as listed on the DHCS county directory.

Santa Clara County residents. Call Behavioral Health Services at (800) 704-0900.

Anywhere in California. Didi Hirsch, based in Los Angeles, offers therapy built for people who have attempted suicide, have suicidal thoughts or lost someone, using an approach it calls Cognitive Therapy for Suicide Prevention. Its support group pages list (424) 362-2911 for Los Angeles County and other areas in California. Ask about cost, insurance, language and online sessions when you call.

Private insurance. Call the member number on the card and ask for a therapist who works with suicidal thoughts and attempts. Ask for someone who speaks your language.

Are there support groups for attempt survivors?

Yes. Talking with others who have been there can ease shame and isolation. AFSP says support groups, including ones for attempt survivors, can help you feel less alone.

• Alternatives to Suicide peer group, Heart & Soul (San Mateo County). San Mateo County's suicide prevention page lists this peer group for people who have attempted suicide or have suicidal thoughts. A county post says it meets online the first Thursday and in person the third Thursday of each month at 1633 Old Bayshore Hwy, Suite 258, Burlingame, with no registration needed. That post is from 2023, so email info@heartandsoulinc.org to confirm the schedule.
• SOSA, Didi Hirsch (California). SOSA is a confidential eight week group for people who survived an attempt, led by a licensed clinician and a peer who has been there. It covers coping skills and safety plans. Call (424) 362-2911 for areas outside Los Angeles and Orange counties. The page does not say if it meets online, so ask.
• SOSA, Samaritans (online, continental U.S.). A free virtual eight week group for adults 18 and over who have made one or more attempts. It was full when we checked; you can ask to be told when it reopens at sosa@samaritanshope.org.

A group is one part of care, not a replacement for a counselor or doctor.

How do I take care of myself?

Watching someone you love go through this is a shock. AFSP says family members may feel anger, sadness, fear or even trauma, and that it is important to seek support and care for yourself.

• Call 988 for yourself. 988 is for anyone who is struggling, including people worried about a friend or family member.
• Talk to someone who is not in crisis. The California Peer Run Warm Line is for anyone in California: call or text 855-600-9276. Hours are posted on its site and can change. It is not a crisis line.
• Find other families. NAMI San Mateo County offers support groups and classes for family members and caregivers. Office: 650-638-0800. The NAMI HelpLine is 800-950-6264, or text "NAMI" to 62640.
• Share the load. Make a short list of two or three people who can sit with your loved one, bring food or drive to appointments.
• Rest. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Sleep, eat, and take a walk.

Children in the home notice more than we think. Our suggestion: tell them in simple words that their family member was very sick and is getting help, and that it is not their fault. Their pediatrician or school counselor can help you choose words for their age. For more, see Where to get mental health help for a child.

What about work, school and money?

Work. In California, an employee may be able to take job protected leave for their own serious health condition, or to care for a family member, under the California Family Rights Act. It applies at employers with 5 or more employees, after 12 months and 1,250 hours on the job, for up to 12 weeks. State Disability Insurance and Paid Family Leave can replace part of your pay, whatever your immigration status. See Leave and benefits.

School. Every California school district must have a suicide prevention policy that covers prevention, intervention and the time after a crisis. Ask the school counselor about a plan for returning to class.

Immigration worries. Getting mental health care is not a reason to avoid help. If you have questions about benefits and immigration, see Mental health care without fear and talk to a trusted legal aid office.

Questions people ask

Will they try again? No one can predict that. Risk is higher in the months after an attempt, which is why safety steps, follow up care and staying close matter so much. Many people never attempt again.

They don't want therapy. What now? Keep the door open. Ask what makes it hard: cost, language, time, a bad past experience. Offer to help find someone different. A peer group may feel easier at first.

Should we keep this a secret from family? Their privacy matters. Ask them who they want to know. But you need support too. Choose one or two trusted people together.

I feel angry at them. Is that wrong? No. AFSP lists anger among the normal reactions. Take those feelings to your own support, not to them right now.

Is there help in Spanish? Yes. 988 offers Spanish by phone (press 2), text (AYUDA) and chat. Didi Hirsch publishes its survivor flyers in Spanish; ask about Spanish speaking therapists when you call.

Is there a checklist I can print?

Who can help

Contact them to confirm hours, languages and openings. Being listed here is not a referral or a promise of service.

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Free and confidential, 24/7/365. Spanish: press 2, or text AYUDA. 988lifeline.org
• San Mateo County Crisis Line, run by StarVista (for county residents): (650) 579-0350, 24/7. smchealth.org
• San Mateo County ACCESS line (for county residents): (800) 686-0101. smchealth.org
• Santa Clara County Behavioral Health Services (for county residents): (800) 704-0900. bhsd.santaclaracounty.gov
• Heart & Soul, Alternatives to Suicide peer group (San Mateo County): info@heartandsoulinc.org. County listing
• Didi Hirsch Suicide Prevention Center (California): (424) 362-2911. didihirsch.org
• California Peer Run Warm Line (California residents, not a crisis line): call or text 855-600-9276. mentalhealthsf.org
• NAMI San Mateo County (families): 650-638-0800. namisanmateo.org

Your family made it through the hardest night. With care and time, there are better days ahead.