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Grieving someone who died by suicide: where to find support

Losing someone to suicide is a grief like no other. You may feel shock, guilt, anger and questions that have no answers. You do not have to carry this alone, and neither do your children. Here is where adults, teens and kids can find support, much of it free, including groups led by people who have lived through the same loss.

Where this applies
988 works anywhere in the U.S. Online groups are labeled with who can join. Bay Area groups are labeled by county. Check each program's rules on who they serve.
Facts checked
Who it’s for

Families, partners, friends, classmates and coworkers who lost someone to suicide, anywhere in the United States, whatever their immigration status. Also for teachers, coaches and community leaders supporting grieving young people.

On this page

Take the next step

Do Not Lose Hope is not a crisis line, a clinic or a counselor. This page is not medical advice. It points you to people who can walk with you.

This page is about grief after a death by suicide. If a loved one survived an attempt, see Getting help after a suicide attempt. For grief after a deportation, see Living with grief when a loved one was deported.

What can grief after suicide feel like?

There is no right way to grieve. The National Institute on Aging says people who are grieving may feel numb, shocked, guilty or angry at the person who died, and that all of these are normal. It also says there is no right or wrong way to mourn, and that for most people the most intense pain lessens over time.

Suicide loss often brings extra weight. Didi Hirsch, which runs some of California's oldest suicide loss groups, says grieving a suicide loss can feel heavier, more isolating and harder to talk about. People may avoid the subject. You may replay the last conversation over and over and ask "why" and "what if."

Some things that are common and okay:

  • Feeling guilty, even when you did nothing wrong.
  • Feeling angry at the person, and then guilty for feeling angry.
  • Trouble sleeping, eating or focusing.
  • Not wanting to say how they died, or wanting to say it to everyone.
  • Good days followed by very hard days, especially on birthdays and holidays.

The death was not your fault. Suicide has many causes, and no one person can see or stop all of them.

Where can adults find a support group?

Being with people who have lived the same loss can bring relief that friends cannot always give. Here are groups we checked. Ask each one about cost, language and whether you live in their service area.

Online, open across California or the U.S.

  • Didi Hirsch, Survivors After Suicide (SAS). A group for adults who lost someone to suicide, meeting weekly for eight weeks, led by a licensed clinician and a peer who has also lost someone. Call (424) 362-2911 for areas outside Los Angeles and Orange counties. Ask whether it meets online.
  • AFSP Healing Conversations. A one time visit by phone, video or in person with a trained volunteer who also lost someone to suicide. It helps whether the loss was recent or years ago. Fill out the request form and a volunteer contacts you.
  • AFSP support group finder. Search support groups by ZIP code. AFSP lists groups as a public service and does not run or endorse them, and most meet in English.
  • Family Service Agency of the Central Coast (Santa Cruz). Free peer groups for adults 18 and over, in person in Santa Cruz and online twice a month. Email sls@fsa-cc.org or call 831-459-9373 to ask if you can join from your area.

San Mateo County

Santa Clara County

  • The county's grief support flyer lists a Survivors of Suicide group at 871 Enborg Court, San Jose (408-885-6216), and a suicide loss group at Hospice of the Valley (408-559-5600). The flyer has no date, so call to confirm.
  • The county's Mental Health and Substance Use Call Center, (800) 704-0900, is listed on that flyer as including support for survivors of suicide.

How do I help my children?

Children grieve too, even very young ones, and they often grieve in bursts. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says preschool children often see death as something that can be undone, and that children may show anger, act younger than their age, or blame themselves.

Ideas that help:

  • Tell the truth in simple words, for their age. Children often find out anyway, and secrets can add to fear. A trained counselor can help you plan what to say.
  • Say it was not their fault. Say it more than once.
  • Keep routines. Meals, school and bedtime give a sense of safety.
  • Let them remember. AACAP suggests ways like lighting a candle, making a scrapbook or sharing stories. Do not force a frightened child to attend a funeral.
  • Tell the school. Every California school district must have a suicide prevention policy that covers the time after a suicide and specifically addresses youth bereaved by suicide. Ask the counselor what support is available.

Groups for teens.

Watch for signs a child needs more help, such as long lasting trouble at school, not wanting to be with friends, or talk of wanting to die. For a child or teen in that place, see Where to get mental health help for a child and Where a teen can talk to someone right now.

Is there support for Pacific Islander and Latino youth after a suicide?

Grief lives inside culture. Families may have their own ways of mourning, gathering and remembering, and young people may need support that respects those ways and their language. We looked for programs that serve these communities. Here is what we found.

For Pacific Islander youth in San Mateo County.

For Latino youth and Spanish speaking families.

  • Kara (Palo Alto) lists services and groups in Spanish for children, teens and families.
  • Ravenswood Family Health and Wellness Initiative, Children's Health Council (East Palo Alto and East Menlo Park). Offers bilingual mental health support, including individual and family therapy. Call 650-702-2487. Office: 1765 E Bayshore Rd.
  • 988 in Spanish. Dial 988 and press 2, or text AYUDA to 988, any hour.
  • Didi Hirsch publishes its suicide loss flyers in Spanish. Ask about Spanish speaking counselors and groups when you call (424) 362-2911.

For helpers. If you are a coach, teacher or youth leader, invite the family to tell you what would feel respectful. Offer practical help, like rides or meals. Let young people grieve together in ways that fit their culture, and connect anyone who seems at risk to 988 or a counselor. San Mateo County offers free community trainings, including a Spanish session called Reconozca Las Señales. See Free suicide prevention training.

When we searched on October 21, 2026, we did not find a grief group in Tongan or Samoan. Ask a school counselor, Kara (650-321-5272) or your county line whether they know of one or can arrange support in your language.

What helps me get through the days?

The National Institute on Aging suggests some steps that help many people who are grieving: share memories, take care of your health, keep regular meals, talk with friends, lean on your community, and put off big decisions for a while.

A few more:

  • Choose what to say. You decide how much to share about how they died, and with whom. A short line like "We lost him to suicide, and we miss him" can be enough.
  • Plan for hard dates. Birthdays, holidays and the anniversary can bring waves of grief. Make a plan to be with someone.
  • Let people help. Say yes to meals, rides and childcare.
  • Talk to someone who is not in crisis. The California Peer Run Warm Line is for anyone in California: call or text 855-600-9276. It is not a crisis line.

When should I get more help?

NIA says some people have grief that stays intense and keeps getting in the way of daily life, and that support groups or a professional can help. Reach out for counseling if, after some months, you still cannot work, care for your family, eat or sleep, or if you feel stuck in guilt.

  • Medi-Cal members: call the number on your card, or your county mental health line. In San Mateo County that is ACCESS, (800) 686-0101. In Santa Clara County, (800) 704-0900. For other counties, see the DHCS county list.
  • Didi Hirsch offers individual and family therapy for people who lost someone to suicide. Call (424) 362-2911 and ask about cost and insurance.
  • See Mental health care without fear for low cost options whatever your status.

Questions people ask

Should I tell people it was suicide? That is your choice. Many families find that saying it openly lets others offer real support. Others keep it private. Both are okay.

Are these groups only for family? No. Most loss groups welcome friends, partners, coworkers and classmates too. Ask the group.

My child keeps asking the same questions. Is that normal? Yes. Children often come back to the same questions as they grow and understand more. Answer simply and honestly each time.

It happened years ago. Is it too late for a group? No. AFSP's Healing Conversations says it helps whether the loss was recent or long ago.

Does any of this cost money? Some programs say they are free, like the Family Service Agency groups and Mission Hospice's groups. Others do not list fees. Ask before you join.

Is there a list I can print?

Who can help

Contact them to confirm hours, languages and openings. Being listed here is not a referral or a promise of service.

  • 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Free, confidential, 24/7/365. 988lifeline.org
  • Kara (Bay Area families): 650-321-5272, 457 Kingsley Ave, Palo Alto. kara-grief.org
  • Didi Hirsch Suicide Prevention Center (California): (424) 362-2911. didihirsch.org
  • AFSP Healing Conversations (U.S.): afsp.org/healing-conversations
  • Mission Hospice & Home Care (San Mateo County service area): missionhospice.org
  • Family Service Agency of the Central Coast (Santa Cruz based): 831-459-9373, sls@fsa-cc.org. fsa-cc.org
  • PIONEERS, HealthRIGHT 360 (NHPI youth in San Mateo County): 415-583-3980. healthright360.org
  • Ravenswood Family Health and Wellness Initiative, CHC (East Palo Alto and East Menlo Park): 650-702-2487. chconline.org
  • Teen Line (teens up to 19): (800) 852-8336, 6 to 10 p.m. Pacific. didihirsch.org/teenline

The love you have for them did not end. With support, grief can soften into memory you can carry.

Sources

Printed from https://donotlosehope.com/guides/grieving-someone-died-suicide-find-support/. Facts checked October 21, 2026. Free information, not legal advice.

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