Simple grounding exercises to calm fear and stress

These exercises are self help tools, not treatment and not medical advice. Do Not Lose Hope is not a clinic or a crisis line.

What is grounding, and why does it help?

When you are afraid, your body gets ready to run or fight. Your heart beats fast. Your breathing gets short. Your mind jumps to what might happen next. That is your body trying to protect you, even when there is nothing to run from right now.

Grounding gently pulls your attention out of the fear and back into the present: what you can see, hear and touch in this moment. Slow breathing tells your body it can stand down. Neither one solves the problem that scared you. They lower the alarm enough for you to think clearly and take your next step.

Federal health researchers say relaxation methods, such as slow breathing, tensing and relaxing muscles, and guided imagery, are generally safe for healthy people (NCCIH). Studies suggest they may help reduce stress and anxiety. A few people feel more anxious when they try them. That is why this page gives you many choices and tells you to stop any exercise that does not feel right.

How do I use this page?

• Try them when you are calm first. Practice once a day for a week. Then they will come more easily when fear hits.
• Pick two or three you like. You do not need all of them.
• Keep your eyes open if you want. Every exercise here works with open eyes.
• You are in charge. Stop any time. Switch to another one.

Try it now: the 5 4 3 2 1 senses exercise

This is one of the most common grounding exercises. Say each thing out loud or in your head. Go slowly.

1. 5 things you can see. A cup. The window. A crack in the wall. Your shoe. A light.
2. 4 things you can feel. Your feet in your shoes. The chair under you. Your shirt on your arms. Air on your face.
3. 3 things you can hear. A car outside. The fridge humming. Your own breathing.
4. 2 things you can smell. Coffee, soap, fresh air. If you cannot smell anything, name two smells you like.
5. 1 thing you can taste. Gum, a sip of water, or just the taste in your mouth.

Take one slow breath at the end. Notice if anything in your body feels even a little different.

What are other quick exercises I can try?

These are our suggestions, simple steps many people use to calm down. They are not medical instructions. Stop any one that does not feel right.

1. Slow breathing, out longer than in

• Breathe in through your nose while you count to 4.
• Breathe out slowly through your mouth while you count to 6, like blowing on hot soup.
• Repeat 4 or 5 times.

A breathing leaflet funded by the New York State Office of Mental Health teaches this same count (BeWell breathing strategies) and says you can change the timing to what works for you. If counting makes you feel dizzy or more tense, stop counting. Just let each breath out be a little slower than the one before.

2. Feet on the floor

Press both feet into the ground. Notice the floor holding you up. Wiggle your toes. Say to yourself: "I am here. The floor is under me." This works standing in line, sitting in a meeting or lying in bed with feet against the mattress.

3. Hold something

Pick up something near you: keys, a stone, a rosary, a mug. Notice its weight, its temperature, its edges and its texture. Describe it to yourself as if you had never seen it before. Some people keep a small object in a pocket just for this.

4. Cool water

Run cool water over your hands or splash it on your face. Or hold a cold drink. Notice the feeling. Cold brings your attention to your body fast.

5. Say where you are

Tell yourself plainly, out loud if you can:

• "My name is ____."
• "I am in ____ (the place)."
• "Today is ____ (the day)."
• "I am safe in this moment."

If you are not sure you are safe, skip the last line and say "I am doing the next right thing."

6. Squeeze and let go

Make tight fists for a count of 5. Then open your hands and let them go soft for a count of 10. Do the same with your shoulders: lift them to your ears, hold, then drop them. Do not squeeze any part that hurts.

7. Play a thinking game

Give your busy mind a small job. Name five fruits. Name every street on your block. Name the towns of your home country from north to south. Count backward from 100 by 7. The job crowds out the fear for a moment.

8. A word of comfort

If you have faith, say a short prayer or a verse you know by heart, slowly. If not, choose a phrase that steadies you: "This feeling will pass." "One step at a time." Say it with each breath out.

Is grounding safe if I have been through trauma?

For most people, yes. But if you have lived through violence, detention, a dangerous crossing or abuse, some exercises can bring up memories instead of calm. Federal health researchers report rare cases where relaxation methods made symptoms worse in people with a history of trauma or abuse. That does not mean you cannot use them. It means you set the pace.

• Keep your eyes open and look around the room.
• Choose outward focus first. Exercises 2, 3, 4, 5 and 7 point your attention to the world around you, not inside your body.
• Skip long, deep breathing if it makes you feel short of air or panicky. Normal breathing is fine.
• Stop if a memory starts to take over. Stand up, look around, name what you see, and touch something solid.
• Practice with someone you trust nearby the first few times.
• Talk to a counselor who works with trauma. They can teach you skills that fit you. See Mental health care without fear and Healing from trauma after coming to the U.S..

When can I use these?

• Before a hard appointment, a court date or a check in
• When you see news or a post that scares you
• When you wake up at night and cannot stop worrying
• When a sound, smell or sight reminds you of something painful
• During a hard talk with family
• While you wait for a phone call you dread

You can do most of them quietly, and no one around you will notice.

How can I teach these to my children?

Children learn calm by watching you and by practicing with you. Make it a game, and practice when they are calm, like at bedtime.

• Smell the flower, blow out the candle. Hold up a finger. Breathe in slowly to smell the flower. Breathe out slowly to blow out the candle.
• I spy, five senses. Take turns finding something you see, hear and touch.
• Spaghetti body. Stiff like dry spaghetti for a count of 5, then soft and floppy like cooked spaghetti.
• Comfort object. Let your child pick a small stone or toy to hold when they feel scared.

If your child is often afraid, has trouble sleeping, or worries about the family being separated, see Where your child can get mental health help in California and How to help your children when they are afraid of immigration raids.

Where can I find audio and video versions?

Some people find it easier to follow a voice.

• UCLA Mindful guided meditations: free recordings, from a 3 minute short body scan and a 5 minute breathing meditation up to about 19 minutes. Available in English, Spanish, Arabic, Armenian, Cantonese, Farsi, Filipino, French, German, Greek, Hindi, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Mandarin, Mixtec, Russian, Vietnamese and American Sign Language. Free on the website. There is also a UCLA Mindful app. uclahealth.org/uclamindful
• PTSD Coach: a free app from the VA National Center for PTSD for anyone who wants to manage symptoms after trauma, including family members. It has tools for handling stress. It is not meant to replace professional care. For iPhone and Android, plus an online version. ptsd.va.gov
• VA grounding meditation video: a free six minute guided practice for body and breath. news.va.gov
• For children and teens in California: BrightLife Kids, for families with children 0 to 12, and Soluna, for ages 13 to 25, offer free coaching by chat, video or phone, plus learning tools, in English and Spanish, whatever your insurance or immigration status. BrightLife Kids and Soluna (DHCS)

What should I keep with me?

Fill in this card while you are calm. When fear hits, you will not have to think. You only have to read.

When is it time to get more help?

Grounding helps in the moment. If fear keeps coming back, you deserve more support. Talk to a doctor or counselor if:

• Fear or panic comes often, or keeps you from work, school, sleep or going out
• You avoid places or people because of fear
• Painful memories, nightmares or flashbacks keep returning
• You feel low or empty most days for two weeks or more. See Signs of depression and anxiety

Chest pain and trouble breathing can also be signs of a heart attack. If you are not sure what is happening, call 911.

Questions people ask

What if it does not work the first time? That is normal. These are skills. They get stronger with practice. Try a different one next time.

Can I do this in a courtroom or an office? Yes. Feet on the floor, holding an object, the senses game and slow breathing out can all be done quietly while you wait.

Is this the same as therapy? No. Grounding is a tool you can use on your own. A counselor can help with the reasons behind the fear.

Can I pray instead? Yes, if prayer calms you. Many people do both: a slow prayer is a breathing exercise too.

Who can help

These are public programs and free lines. Contact them to confirm hours, languages and openings. Being listed here is not a referral or a promise of service.

• San Mateo County BHRS ACCESS Call Center (for county residents): for residents with Medi-Cal or no insurance. (800) 686-0101, 24 hours, TTY 711. smchealth.org
• Santa Clara County Behavioral Health Services Call Center (for county residents): for residents with Medi-Cal, Medicare or no insurance. (800) 704-0900, then press 1, 24 hours. bhsd.santaclaracounty.gov
• Other California counties: find your county's line on the DHCS county list
• California Peer Run Warm Line: call or text 855-600-9276. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday 7 a.m. to 11 p.m.; Thursday 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. Hours can change. Not for emergencies. mentalhealthsf.org
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Free and confidential, available 24/7/365. 988lifeline.org

Fear is loud, but it is not the boss of you. Breathe out. Look around. You are still here, and so is hope.