How to help your children when they are afraid of immigration raids

This page is about calming children who are afraid of raids. It is not medical, mental health or legal advice. Do Not Lose Hope is not a clinic or a crisis line. What to do if agents come to your door is on If immigration agents come.

We know this is hard. You may be scared too. That's okay. Children don't need a parent with no fear. They need a parent who stays close.

Why is my child so scared?

Children hear more than we think. They hear it at school, on phones, at church and at the dinner table. Some have seen agents in their own neighborhood. Fear spreads fast when a child doesn't understand what they heard.

Fear can show up in ways that don't look like fear. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) list signs like these:

• Trouble falling asleep, nightmares, or wanting to sleep with you
• Stomachaches or headaches with no clear cause
• Going back to younger habits, like wetting the bed or baby talk
• Clinging to you, crying at school drop off, or not wanting to go to school
• Trouble paying attention or a drop in grades
• Anger, fighting or risky behavior, especially in older kids
• Pulling away from family and friends

Many of these signs fade when a child feels safe again. Watch how long they last and how strong they are. See When should I get professional help?

How do I start the conversation?

Start by listening. Then tell the truth, simply.

1. Pick a calm moment. Bedtime, a car ride, or while you cook. Side by side often feels easier than face to face.
2. Ask first. "What have you heard?" or "What's on your mind?" Let them lead. You'll learn what they actually fear. It may be different from what you think.
3. Name the feeling. "It sounds like you're scared I won't come home." Tell them their feelings make sense and can change from day to day.
4. Be honest. The AAP warns against false promises and lines like "Don't worry about it." If you say "Nothing will ever happen," and something does, trust breaks.
5. Use "and." The AAP suggests pairing the hard truth with comfort: "I don't know everything that will happen, and I am right here with you."
6. Fix wrong ideas. Children fill gaps with scary guesses. Gently correct what isn't true.
7. Tell them the plan. Share who will take care of them if you are ever late or can't come. This is often what calms a child most.
8. Leave the door open. "You can ask me anything, any time."

It's okay to say "I don't know." Then add what you do know: "Here's what we do know, and here's our plan."

What do I say to a young child?

Keep it short and concrete. NCTSN says young children understand separation only in the short term. "A long time" is hard for them to picture.

• Use simple words. "Some people are being stopped by officers. Grown ups are working hard to keep you safe."
• Tell them who takes care of them, and how: who picks them up from school, who makes dinner, who puts them to bed.
• Keep pick up times. If you'll be late, tell them who is coming.
• Give comfort they can feel: hugs, a favorite blanket, rest, and time to play or draw.
• Expect some backsliding, like bedwetting or clinging. Be patient. It usually passes when they feel safe.

Young children often work through fear in play. You may see the same scary scene acted out with toys again and again. Stay nearby, stay calm, and gently help them name the feeling. See Why play helps your child cope with stress.

What about school age children?

Children from about 6 to 12 can handle more facts. NCTSN calls this a good age to clear up mistakes and explain words like "immigrant" and "deportation."

• Explain words they've heard, in plain terms.
• Correct rumors. Ask, "Where did you hear that?"
• Let them talk about fear, sadness and anger. Tell them those feelings are normal.
• Watch for guilt. Some children think they did something wrong, or that they should protect the family. Tell them plainly: keeping the family safe is the adults' job.
• If fear is hurting their schoolwork, help them tell a teacher or school counselor, or talk to the school yourself.

Give them one small job in the family plan. The AAP suggests letting children help in ways that fit their age, like helping choose where important papers are kept. A small job can turn helplessness into a sense of control.

How do I talk with a teen?

Teens ask harder questions and see through easy answers. Talk with them like the young adult they are becoming.

• Answer honestly. The AAP says it's fine to admit you don't have every answer and that not knowing is stressful.
• Review the family plan together. NCTSN suggests showing teens the plan and making sure they know where important papers are kept. See Make a family preparedness plan.
• Expect some distance. Teens may pull away or act out when they are angry or scared. Stay steady and keep checking in.
• Talk about safe ways to act. Some teens feel anger or want to fight back. Help them find choices that are safe and still meaningful, like learning their rights or helping younger kids feel calm.
• Ask about their phone. Teens see a lot of videos. Talk about what they saw and how it made them feel.

If your teen seems hopeless, stops eating or sleeping, or talks about not wanting to live, act now. Call or text 988 together. See When your teen is struggling and Anxiety in teens.

What could a first talk sound like?

Example only. The family is made up.

Lucia, age 8, comes home quiet. At bedtime her dad sits on the edge of the bed.

Dad: "You seem worried. What have you heard?" Lucia: "Mateo said the police take parents and they never come back." Dad: "That sounds really scary. Thank you for telling me. Some people are being stopped by immigration officers, and some families are having a hard time. I don't know everything that will happen, and I am right here with you." Lucia: "What if they take you?" Dad: "Keeping our family safe is my job and Mom's job. We have a plan. If I'm ever late, Tía Rosa picks you up from school. She knows what to do. You can ask me anything, any time."

He doesn't promise "nothing will ever happen." He listens, names the feeling, tells the truth and shares the plan. Then he reads her a story, the same as every night.

How do I keep the news and videos from making it worse?

Fear grows with every video. The AAP gives three simple steps:

• Limit it. Cut back on violent news and videos on TV and social media, for kids and adults.
• Watch together. If they are going to see coverage, watch it first or watch it with them, and be ready for questions.
• Show them how. Take breaks from your own phone. Children learn from what you do.

Be careful what you say in front of kids too. Phone calls about raids, worry at the dinner table and adult talk about "what if" all reach little ears. Have those talks when children are asleep or out of the room.

What helps a child feel safe day to day?

Steady days are medicine for scared kids. The AAP and NCTSN both point to the same simple things:

• Keep routines. Regular meals, bedtime and school days tell a child that life still works.
• Calm the body. Puzzles, drawing, singing, walks, prayer and slow deep breathing all help. Try Simple grounding exercises together.
• Keep school going. If your child is afraid to go, talk with their teacher, principal or school nurse. Ask what support the school offers. See Can immigration agents come to my child's school?
• Make a plan, and share the right parts. Choose a trusted adult who can care for your child if needed. Put important papers and phone numbers in one safe place. See Who can care for my children if I am detained.
• Let them know you're there. Say it out loud: "You can come to me any time."

Your family's culture and community are a steady comfort too. Familiar food, music, stories from home, time with grandparents, cousins and neighbors, or your family's own traditions remind a child they belong and are not alone.

When should I get professional help?

Get help if signs of fear last for weeks, keep getting worse, or get in the way of sleep, eating, school or friendships. The AAP also says to call your child's doctor if your child was close to a frightening event, like seeing a parent or neighbor taken.

Start with your child's doctor. They can check your child and connect you to counseling. In California, children under 19 can get full scope Medi-Cal whatever their immigration status, if they meet the other rules. The 2026 enrollment freeze is for adults 19 and older, not children (DHCS fact sheet). Outside California, ask your child's doctor or school counselor about free or low cost care in your state. For more on county counseling and Medi-Cal, see Mental health care without fear.

No insurance, or want to start small? California offers two free programs:

• BrightLife Kids for families with children 0 to 12. Free video coaching and chat for parents. No waitlist and no insurance needed. Many coaches speak English and Spanish, and free interpreters are offered in 17 more languages. It is coaching, not therapy.
• Soluna for young people 13 to 25. A free app with one on one coaching, self help tools and help finding care. It is not a crisis service.

Worried about privacy? See Will my therapist share my information with immigration?

How do I take care of myself?

Your child reads your face before your words. That doesn't mean you have to hide every fear. The AAP notes that children sometimes hide their worries to protect their parents, and that hearing a parent name a feeling, like "When I heard about it today, I felt scared and worried," can help a child speak up. Keep it short, then turn to what you are doing to keep the family safe. Caring for yourself is part of caring for them.

• Talk with another adult you trust, away from the kids.
• Take breaks from the news.
• Sleep, eat and move your body when you can.
• Lean on your faith community, if that helps you.
• Get support for yourself. See Mental health care without fear or Signs of depression and anxiety.

Questions parents ask

Should I tell my child about our immigration status? That depends on your child's age and your family. Young children don't need legal details. They need to know who cares for them. Teens often already know or suspect. Before you share details your child might repeat, talk with a lawyer or DOJ accredited representative about what is safe. See Free legal help in the Bay Area.

My child is a U.S. citizen. Why are they so afraid? Because they love you. Children whose papers are safe can still fear losing a parent, a friend or a neighbor. Their fear is real, and the same steps help.

My child keeps asking the same question. Is that bad? No. Children often ask again to check that the answer still holds. Answer calmly each time.

What if my child saw someone taken? Call your child's doctor, as the AAP advises, and watch closely for the signs above. Seeing it happen is a bigger shock than hearing about it.

Should I keep my child home from school? Missing school can make fear grow. Talk with the school about your worries and ask what support it has. For what the law says about agents at schools, see Can immigration agents come to my child's school?

Who can help?

These are free or low cost public offices and programs. Contact them to confirm hours, languages and openings. Being listed here is not a referral or a promise of service.

• Ravenswood Family Health Network, pediatrics (East Palo Alto and nearby): (650) 330-7400. Main clinic at 1885 Bay Road, East Palo Alto. Also MayView clinics in Mountain View, Sunnyvale and Palo Alto.
• San Mateo County ACCESS Call Center (San Mateo County residents): (800) 686-0101, TTY 711. For residents with Medi-Cal or no insurance. It gives assessment and referrals to counseling.
• East Palo Alto Community Counseling Center (San Mateo County, youth and adult): 2415 University Avenue, Suite 301. (650) 363-4030.
• Santa Clara County Behavioral Health Services (Santa Clara County residents): (800) 704-0900, 24/7. Press 1 for the youth crisis team (Mobile Response Stabilization Services, ages 4 to 20).
• BrightLife Kids: brightlife.kids, free for California families with children 0 to 12.
• Soluna: solunaapp.com, free for Californians 13 to 25.
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org.
• Other California counties: DHCS list of county mental health plans.

Handouts in other languages:

• AAP, Cómo hablar con los niños sobre la ejecución de las leyes de inmigración en los EE. UU. (Spanish) and the English version.
• NCTSN, Age Related Reactions to a Traumatic Event, with versions in Spanish, Arabic, Dari, Pashto and other languages.
• NCTSN, Guiding Caregivers: How to Talk to a Child about Deportation or Separation (English).

Teachers and pastors: see How teachers can spot and support a student in distress.

Is there something I can print?

Yes. Keep it on the fridge or in your phone.

You are already doing something brave by learning how to help. Your love and your steady presence are the strongest comfort your child has. Do not lose hope.