Why you feel overwhelmed all the time, and what helps

This page is not medical advice. Do Not Lose Hope is not a clinic or a crisis line. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988 now.

Why do I feel this way all the time?

Stress is how your body and mind react to pressure from outside: a hard job, a sick child, a bill you cannot pay. A little stress is a normal part of life. It can even help you solve problems.

The trouble starts when the pressure never stops. Stress can come once, or it can come again and again over a long time. When it keeps coming, your body stays on alert. Anxiety is the body's reaction to stress, and it can stay switched on even when nothing is threatening you right now.

For many families, the weight is not one big thing. It is many things at once:

• Long hours, two jobs, or no steady work
• Rent, debts and sending money home
• Caring for children, parents or a sick relative
• Translating and handling paperwork for others
• Grief, or being far from people you love
• News about raids and changing rules
• Feelings you have never had the chance to say out loud

Each one alone might feel manageable. Together, they add up. Feeling overwhelmed is a sign of how much you are carrying, not a sign that you are failing.

What does overwhelm look like?

The CDC says stress can show up as:

• Fear, anger, sadness, worry, numbness or frustration
• Changes in appetite, energy and interest in things
• Trouble concentrating and making decisions
• Nightmares or trouble sleeping
• Headaches, body pains, stomach problems or skin rashes
• Health problems you already have getting worse
• Drinking or using drugs more

Over a long time, stress can affect your sleep and your immune, digestive and heart health. That is why it matters to take it seriously.

What can I do today?

You do not need to fix everything. Start with one or two of these. Health experts at the CDC and the National Institute of Mental Health recommend them.

Care for your mind

• Take a break from news and social media. Check once or twice a day at set times. Turn off alerts. Hours of scary videos can make fear grow.
• Take slow, deep breaths, stretch, or pray or meditate for a few minutes. See Simple grounding exercises for step by step help.
• Write it down. A short journal, even three lines a night, gets the worry out of your head and onto paper.
• Catch the hard thoughts. When you think "I can't handle any of this," ask: is that fully true? What have I already handled this week?
• Name one good thing each day. Gratitude does not erase the hard things. It helps you see what is still holding you up.

Care for your body

• Sleep. Adults need 7 or more hours a night. Go to bed and get up at the same time each day. Turn off screens at least 30 minutes before bed.
• Move. A walk around the block, playing with the kids, or stretching all count.
• Eat healthy, regular meals.
• Go easy on coffee, energy drinks and soda, especially in the afternoon and evening.
• Limit alcohol, and skip it close to bedtime.

Care for your connections

• Talk with someone you trust. A friend, a sibling, a coworker.
• Lean on your community. Your church, mosque, temple or a community group can be a real source of strength and practical help.
• Keep your regular health visits. Do not skip checkups, tests or medicines because you are too busy.

How do I lighten the load?

Self care helps. So does carrying less. Try this once a week, alone or with your family:

1. Write down everything on your mind. All of it, big and small.
2. Circle what has to happen this week. Most things do not.
3. Mark what someone else could do. An older child, a neighbor, a church volunteer, a free service.
4. Cross out what is not yours to carry. You cannot control the news or the law. You can control your next step.
5. Pick one step for each circled item. One call. One form. One conversation.

What if fear about immigration is part of it?

For many immigrant families, it is. Not knowing what the next month holds for you, your parents or your children is exhausting. Your body stays braced for bad news. You may notice it most at night, when you see an unknown car, or when your phone rings.

Fear grows in the dark. A plan brings it into the light. These steps do not change the law, but they can give your mind something solid to hold:

• Make a family plan. Decide who will care for the children, where key papers are, and who to call. See Make a family preparedness plan.
• Know your rights. Knowing what to say and do can ease the fear of the unknown. See If immigration agents come.
• Get trusted legal advice for your own case. A real lawyer or DOJ accredited representative can tell you where you stand. See Free legal help in the Bay Area, How to find a lawyer you can trust and Warning signs of an immigration scam.
• Choose your news. Follow one or two trusted local sources, and check them at set times. Rumors on social media can spread fear and false information.
• Talk with your children at their level. They notice more than we think. See When your teen is struggling.

You are allowed to feel joy, rest and love even while you worry. Those moments are not denial. They are what keep you going.

What if I am the one everyone leans on?

Many of us are the strong one. The one who translates, drives, fixes and pays. Carrying everyone for years wears down even the strongest person. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is how you keep showing up.

• Say no to one thing this week, kindly and clearly.
• Let others help, even if they do it differently than you would.
• Take 15 minutes a day that belong only to you.
• If you are caring for someone with a mental illness, see Caring for a family member with mental illness without losing yourself.

When should I talk to someone?

Self care is a good start, but it is not always enough. It may be time to talk to a doctor or counselor if:

• You are struggling to cope, or the stress or worry will not go away
• It gets in the way of work, family or daily life
• It makes you avoid things you need to do
• It seems to be there all the time
• You are using alcohol or drugs to get through the day
• You feel low, empty or hopeless most days for two weeks or more. See Signs of depression and anxiety

Call your county line (outside San Mateo and Santa Clara counties, find yours on the DHCS county list), or see Mental health care without fear for clinics, costs and how privacy works. If you have thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 now. If a life is in danger right now, call 911.

Questions people ask

Is it normal to feel numb instead of sad? Yes. Numbness is one of the ways stress shows up. If it lasts and you lose interest in things you used to love, talk to a doctor.

Can stress really make me sick? It can affect your sleep, immune system, digestion and heart, and make health problems you already have worse. Keep your regular checkups and tell your doctor how stressed you are.

I do not have time for self care. Now what? Start with what fits in two minutes: three slow breaths at a red light, a glass of water, a text to a friend. Small steps count.

Will prayer help? Many people find real comfort in prayer and in their faith community. You can pray and also talk to a counselor. One does not replace the other. See When to talk to your pastor and when to see a counselor.

Is there someone to talk to who is not a crisis line? Yes. The California Peer Run Warm Line connects you with someone who has lived through hard times too. Call or text 855-600-9276 during open hours.

Who can help

These are public programs, clinics and free lines. Contact them to confirm hours, languages and openings. Being listed here is not a referral or a promise of service.

• California Peer Run Warm Line: for anyone living in California who wants to talk. Not for emergencies. Call or text 855-600-9276, or chat on the website. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday 7 a.m. to 11 p.m.; Thursday 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. Hours can change. mentalhealthsf.org
• For San Mateo County residents: BHRS ACCESS Call Center, for people with Medi-Cal or no insurance. (800) 686-0101, 24 hours, TTY 711. smchealth.org
• For Santa Clara County residents: Behavioral Health Services Call Center, for people with Medi-Cal, Medicare or no insurance. (800) 704-0900, then press 1, 24 hours. bhsd.santaclaracounty.gov
• Other California counties: your county's mental health line is on the DHCS county list.
• For East Palo Alto and nearby: Ravenswood Family Health Center, counseling for children and adults. 1885 Bay Road, East Palo Alto. (650) 330-7400. ravenswoodfhn.org
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Free and confidential, available 24/7/365. 988lifeline.org
• Community health centers anywhere in the U.S.: Find a Health Center (HRSA). Health centers that get federal funds may not turn you away because you cannot pay.
• 211: free help finding food, housing, bills and other local services in many areas. In California, 211 does not cover every county. 211

You were never meant to carry all of this alone. Put one thing down today. Hold on to hope.