How teachers can spot and support a student in distress

This page is general information, not medical or legal advice. Your district's policy and your school's crisis team come first. Do Not Lose Hope does not provide counseling or crisis help.

What signs should I watch for?

Students rarely say "I'm struggling." They show it. Watch for changes from what is normal for that student:

• Pulling away from friends, class or activities they used to like
• Missing school more often, or grades dropping
• Irritable, hopeless, very worried or on edge
• Writing, drawing or talking about death, sadness or being alone
• Risky, reckless or disruptive behavior that is new
• Frequent stomachaches or headaches with no clear cause
• Sleeping in class, or seeming exhausted
• Signs of self harm, such as cuts or burns
• Using alcohol or drugs, or showing up high or drunk

One sign on one day may mean nothing. A change that lasts, several signs together, or any talk of death means it is time to act. When in doubt, trust your gut and check in.

What if it is urgent?

These are warning signs of suicide, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Act the same day, especially if the sign is new or getting worse:

• Talking about wanting to die, feeling hopeless, trapped or like a burden
• Making a plan, or looking up ways to die
• Saying goodbye, or giving away important things
• Pulling away from everyone
• Extreme mood swings, or taking dangerous risks

What to do:

1. Do not leave the student alone. Stay with them, or make sure another adult does.
2. Walk them to help. Go with the student to the counselor, school psychologist or administrator. Do not just send a note or tell them to go later.
3. Follow your district's suicide prevention policy. State law requires it to cover intervention steps (Education Code 215). Ask what it says about who calls parents, who assesses risk and when to call for outside help.
4. If a life is in danger right now, call 911.
5. Write down what you saw and heard, in the student's words, and give it to the counselor.

Asking a student directly, "Are you thinking about killing yourself?" does not put the idea in their head. NIMH says studies show asking does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior. It shows you can handle the truth.

For more, see Warning signs that someone may be thinking of suicide and How to talk with someone you love about suicide.

How do I start the conversation?

Pick a private moment, like after class or during a walk to the office. Keep it short and kind.

1. Say what you noticed, without judging. "I've noticed you seem really tired lately, and you haven't been turning in work. I care about how you're doing."
2. Ask an open question. "How are things going, really?"
3. Listen. Do not rush to fix it or give advice. Silence is okay.
4. Thank them. "Thank you for telling me. That took courage."
5. Connect them. "I want you to meet with our counselor. Can I walk you there now, or set it up for today?"
6. Follow up. Check in the next day. A quick "Good to see you" matters.

If the student says "I'm fine" but your worry stays, tell the counselor anyway. You do not need proof to ask for a second set of eyes.

Can I promise to keep it a secret?

No. Never promise total secrecy. You can promise to be respectful and to share only with people who can help.

Try: "I can't keep this just between us, because I care about your safety. I'll only share it with people whose job is to help, and I'll tell you who."

Why:

• Your district policy tells you who must know when a student may be at risk.
• You are a mandated reporter. Under California law, school employees and volunteers whose work involves students must report suspected child abuse or neglect.
• School counselors work under different rules. For students 12 and older, what they tell a school counselor is generally kept private, with exceptions such as abuse reporting or a clear danger to the student or others. That is one more reason to bring the student to the counselor.

When do I have to report abuse?

If you know or reasonably suspect that a child has been abused or neglected, California law requires you to report. You do not need proof. Your suspicion just has to be reasonable.

• Report by phone immediately, or as soon as you practically can.
• Send a written report within 36 hours.
• Report to the county child welfare agency, or a police or sheriff's department. A school district police or security department does not count.
• The duty is yours. Telling your principal does not replace your report, and no supervisor may stop you from making it.

Child abuse lines, 24 hours, staffed by trained social workers. Two Bay Area counties are below. Every other California county's line is on the CDSS county hotline list.

If a child is in immediate danger, call 911.

Your district must train employees on mandated reporting every year. Missing training does not remove your duty to report.

What if fear about immigration is part of it?

Many students in East Palo Alto, across California and across the country carry fear about family members being detained or deported. That fear can look like distraction, anger, stomachaches or missing school.

• Do not ask about immigration status. California schools may not collect citizenship or immigration information about students or their families, except as the law requires.
• Name the feeling, not the status. "A lot of students are worried about their families right now. If that's on your mind, you can talk to me or the counselor."
• Share trusted resources with the counselor's help. See How to help children when they are afraid of immigration raids and Helping children cope when a parent is detained or deported.
• Know your school's plan if agents come to campus. See What schools and child care centers should do if immigration agents come.

How can I support the whole class?

You can make it easier for every student to ask for help:

• Point to the back of the student ID. In grades 7 to 12, California requires ID cards to show the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Since July 1, 2026, public and charter schools must also print The Trevor Project's line for LGBTQ+ young people: 1-866-488-7386, or text START to 678678.
• Talk about help seeking as normal. "Asking for help is a strength. I've done it."
• Use a ready made lesson. Teen Line, a program of Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services, offers a free Teacher Facilitation Guide with talking points and activities, and a classroom course on stress, resilience, asking for help and helping a friend.
• Share Teen Line with students up to age 19: call (800) 852-8336 from 6 to 10 p.m. Pacific, or text TEEN to 839863 from 6 to 9 p.m. Pacific. It is free and English only. Other teens answer, with adult supervisors.
• Watch for students at higher risk. California's law on school suicide prevention policies names students who lost someone to suicide, students with disabilities, mental illness or substance use problems, students who are homeless or in foster care, and LGBTQ students.
• Get trained. Ask your district about suicide prevention training. See Free suicide prevention training for parents, teachers and others.

How do I take care of myself?

Supporting a student in pain is heavy. It is normal to feel shaken, sad or worried afterward.

• Talk with your counselor or a colleague you trust after a hard moment.
• Ask whether your district has an employee assistance program.
• You can call or text 988 for yourself too. Supporting someone can bring up hard feelings.

Questions teachers ask

What if I am wrong and the student is fine? Then a caring adult checked in. That is never wasted. Being wrong is much better than missing a student in danger.

Should I call the parents myself? Follow your district policy. In some situations, telling a parent could put a student in danger, such as when abuse at home is suspected. Let the counselor or administrator decide.

A student told me about a friend who wants to die. What do I do? Treat it as urgent. Find out who the friend is and tell the counselor right away. See What to do if a friend tells you they want to die (for teens) to share with the student.

Can I give a student my cell number? Check your district's rules. A better path is to make sure the student knows 988, Teen Line and how to reach the school counselor.

What about after school, on weekends or online? If you learn of a student in danger outside school hours, call 911 if a life is at risk, or call your county crisis line. Tell your administrator as soon as you can.

Who can help

Contact them to confirm hours, languages and openings. Being listed here is not a referral or a promise of service.

• Your school counselor, school psychologist and administrator: your first call inside school.
• For San Mateo County schools: 24/7 Crisis Line (StarVista): (650) 579-0350, for a mental health crisis, substance use or thoughts of suicide. A mobile crisis team can come in person. You can call for someone else.
• For San Mateo County families: BHRS ACCESS Call Center: (800) 686-0101, 24/7, TTY 711, for ongoing mental health and substance use care for families with Medi-Cal or no insurance.
• For Santa Clara County schools: youth crisis team (MRSS): (800) 704-0900, then press 1, 24/7, ages 4 to 20. From a 408, 650 or 669 number you can also dial 988.
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org.
• Teen Line: (800) 852-8336 or text TEEN to 839863, evenings, ages up to 19.
• The Trevor Project, for LGBTQ+ young people: 1-866-488-7386, text START to 678678, 24/7.
• Child abuse lines: San Mateo (650) 802-7922 or (800) 632-4615; Santa Clara (833) 722-5437; other counties on the CDSS list.
• Other California counties, crisis and mental health lines: DHCS county list.

For families who need ongoing care, share Where your child can get mental health help in California and When your teen is struggling.

Is there something I can print?

One caring adult can change a student's year. Sometimes it can save a life. Thank you for noticing.