How long it takes to feel okay after a disaster or frightening event

This page is general health information, not medical advice and not treatment. Do Not Lose Hope is not a clinic or a crisis line.

Is it normal to still not feel okay months later?

Yes. Many people still feel shaken months after a disaster or a frightening event. You are not weak and you are not "doing it wrong."

Here is what federal health agencies say, in plain words:

• Reactions are expected. It is normal to have upsetting memories, feel on edge or sleep badly after a traumatic event.
• Most people recover. For most people, these reactions get smaller over time. Many start to feel better after a few weeks.
• Recovery is not a straight line. Good weeks and hard weeks can take turns. A smell, a siren, a news story or an anniversary can bring feelings back for a while. That does not mean you are back at the start.

The other side is just as true. If your reactions last more than a month and cause problems in your life, that is a sign to get help. The VA's National Center for PTSD says that could be post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It is common, anyone can get it at any age, and treatment works. For many people, treatment makes the symptoms go away completely.

There is no deadline for feeling okay. There is a point where you deserve more support than time alone can give.

What reactions are normal after something frightening?

After a fire, flood, earthquake, shooting, crash, raid or other scary event, people often notice:

• Fear and alertness. Jumping at sounds. Checking the doors. Feeling like danger is still close, even when you know you are safe.
• Memories that push in. Pictures of what happened. Nightmares. Thinking about it again and again.
• Feelings that come in waves. Sadness, anger, guilt, numbness or worry.
• Body signs. Headaches, stomachaches, a racing heart, being tired all the time.
• Trouble focusing. Losing your keys, forgetting appointments, reading the same line three times.
• Pulling away. Not wanting to see people, or not caring about things you used to enjoy.

Loss adds grief on top of fear. If you lost a home, a person, a pet, a job, photos or the feeling that your neighborhood was safe, you are grieving too. Grief has its own pace.

Stress after a disaster also piles up. Insurance calls, rent, repairs, school changes and missed work can keep your body on alert long after the event itself is over.

Why do I keep feeling it when the danger is gone?

Your body learned that the world was dangerous. It is trying to protect you by staying ready. That alarm can stay switched on for a while, and reminders can set it off again.

Some things that feel helpful in the moment can make the alarm louder over time:

• Avoiding every reminder. Staying away from a road, a smell or a topic can feel easier at first. The VA's National Center for PTSD says that leaning on avoidance as your main way to cope can make symptoms worse and make it harder to move on. A counselor can help you face reminders safely: the VA says some of the best studied trauma therapies help you think or talk about what happened until it becomes less upsetting.
• Alcohol or drugs to sleep or forget. These can make sleep and mood worse. Federal health advice is to avoid drugs and to drink little or not at all when you are under stress.
• Watching the news nonstop. Seeing the same images again and again keeps the alarm on. Take breaks from news and social media.

What helps me feel okay again?

Small, steady steps help most people. Pick two or three to start.

• Keep a routine. Regular times to wake up, eat and sleep tell your body that life has some order again.
• Take care of your body. Aim for 7 or more hours of sleep. Move a little every day, even a short walk.
• Stay connected. Talk with people you trust about what happened and how you feel. Stay close to your church, mosque, temple or community group if that helps you.
• Limit the news. Check once or twice a day, then turn it off.
• Use calming skills. Slow breathing and grounding can lower fear in a few minutes. See Simple grounding exercises.
• Fix one practical problem at a time. Getting help with money, housing or paperwork lowers stress too. See Where to get help before and after a wildfire, flood or earthquake and Work, pay and benefits after a fire or disaster.
• Be patient with yourself. You are healing from something real.

How do children and teens react?

Children feel disasters too, even when they seem fine. The National Institute of Mental Health lists these common reactions:

Any age: stomachaches or headaches, nightmares or poor sleep, trouble paying attention, losing interest in fun things, guilt.

Age 5 and under: clinging to you and crying, tantrums, going back to earlier habits like bed wetting or thumb sucking, new fears, and acting out the event in play.

Age 6 and older, including teens: problems at school, pulling away from family and friends, avoiding reminders, anger, trouble with behavior, and using alcohol or drugs.

What you can do:

• Make sure they are safe and their basic needs are met.
• Let them talk, write or draw about what happened. Don't push them to talk before they are ready.
• Keep familiar routines. Give small choices, like which shirt or which snack, so they feel some control.
• Give extra comfort at night, like a light left on or a short time in your room.
• Limit how much news they see.
• Stay calm. Don't make promises you can't keep, and don't expect them to "be brave."

Call a health care provider if your child's reactions last more than a month. Call sooner if new problems start and last more than a few weeks, such as flashbacks, a racing heart and sweating, being easily startled, feeling numb, or deep sadness.

More help: Where your child can get mental health help in California, Why play helps your child cope with stress and When your teen is struggling.

When is it time to get help?

Reach out to a professional if:

• It has been more than a month and the reactions are not getting better.
• They get in the way of work, school, caring for your children or your relationships.
• You are using alcohol, drugs or pills to get through the day or the night.
• You feel hopeless, numb or cut off from everyone.
• New problems start, like panic, flashbacks or not being able to sleep at all.

You don't need to wait for things to get worse. You can call for help in week two or in year two.

If you are thinking about suicide or are worried you might hurt yourself, call or text 988 now. If someone is in danger right now, call 911. See also What to do right now if you or someone you love is thinking of suicide.

Where can I get help?

Anywhere in the U.S.: call or text the Disaster Distress Helpline at 1-800-985-5990, 24/7, or call or text 988.

In California: each county runs a behavioral health line, free or low cost for people with Medi-Cal or no insurance. Find yours on the DHCS county list. The lines below are for San Mateo and Santa Clara county residents.

County behavioral health in San Mateo and Santa Clara counties:

• San Mateo County ACCESS Call Center: (800) 686-0101, TTY 711, 24/7. They give information, an assessment and a referral. You can call for yourself or for someone you are worried about.
• Santa Clara County Behavioral Health Call Center: (800) 704-0900, press 1, 24/7 including holidays. Staff can check whether you qualify for Medi-Cal and help you enroll.

Community clinics in and near East Palo Alto:

• Ravenswood Family Health Network counseling: for children and adults. You can refer yourself. Call (650) 330-7400. Main site at 1885 Bay Road, East Palo Alto. Federally funded health centers like Ravenswood may not turn anyone away because they cannot pay.
• East Palo Alto Community Counseling Center (San Mateo County): youth and adults, 2415 University Ave., Suite 301, (650) 363-4030.

Free phone and text support:

• Disaster Distress Helpline: call or text 1-800-985-5990, 24/7.
• California Peer Run Warm Line: call or text 855-600-9276, or chat on the website. Peers who have been through hard times themselves. It is not a crisis line. Hours are Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday 7 a.m. to 11 p.m. and Thursday 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. They can change, so check the Warm Line page.
• 211: free and confidential help finding local services, including counseling, food and housing after a disaster. See 211.

After a declared disaster: when the President declares a major disaster that includes help for individuals, FEMA can fund a free Crisis Counseling Program in the area. The state picks local agencies to run it. After a disaster where you live, ask 211 or your county line whether crisis counseling is open.

Contact them to confirm hours, languages and openings. Being listed here is not a referral or a promise of service.

Worried about your information and immigration? See Mental health care without fear and Will my therapist share my information with immigration?.

What does help from a counselor look like?

A first visit is mostly talking. The counselor asks what happened, how you are sleeping, eating and working, and what you want to feel better about. You decide how much to share.

Help often means talk therapy and learning skills to calm your body. The VA's National Center for PTSD says the talk therapies with the most research support are trauma focused, such as Cognitive Processing Therapy, Prolonged Exposure and EMDR, and that some medicines help with PTSD symptoms (PTSD treatment basics). Your counselor or doctor can tell you which, if any, fit you. You can ask questions and say no to anything that does not feel right.

Common questions

I wasn't hurt and I didn't lose my home. Why am I struggling? Seeing it, fearing it, or helping others through it can affect you too. First responders, volunteers, teachers and neighbors often feel it later.

It has been a year. Is it too late to get help? No. Treatment for trauma reactions can work long after the event.

Is it a sign of weak faith? No. Feeling afraid or sad after something terrible is human. Many people find comfort in prayer and their faith community and also see a counselor. You can do both. See When to talk to your pastor and when to see a counselor.

My partner seems fine and I am not. Is something wrong with me? No. People react on different timelines. Some feel it right away. Some feel it months later.

Is there a check in I can print?

Yes. Fill it out once a week. Bring it to a counselor or doctor if you go.

Healing takes the time it takes. You are still here, still trying, and that matters.