What to do if a friend tells you they want to die (for teens)

Do Not Lose Hope is not a crisis line and cannot answer calls or messages. This page is not medical advice. It helps you know what to do and who to bring in.

Is this serious?

Yes. Always take it seriously, even if they laugh it off, say "just kidding," or have said it before. You do not have to decide if they "really mean it." That is not your job. Your job is to listen, keep them safe in the moment, and bring in help.

The 988 Lifeline lists warning signs like these:

• Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves
• Looking for a way to do it, like searching online or getting a gun
• Saying they feel hopeless, trapped, in unbearable pain, or like a burden
• Using more alcohol or drugs
• Pulling away from friends, or acting reckless
• Sleeping much more or much less
• Big mood swings, or rage

Signs like these mean your friend needs help now. For more, see Warning signs that someone may be thinking of suicide.

What should I do right now?

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) has five steps. Here they are, for you and your friend.

1. Ask. Ask them straight out if they are thinking about suicide.
2. Be there. Stay with them, in person or on the phone. Listen. Do not judge.
3. Help keep them safe. Ask if they have a plan. If there is a gun, pills or something else they could use, help get it away from them, or tell an adult who can.
4. Help them connect. Call or text 988 together. Tell a trusted adult.
5. Follow up. Check on them in the next days. NIMH says staying in touch can help.

What do I say?

You do not need perfect words. Being real and calm matters more. Here are some ways to start:

• "I'm really glad you told me."
• "You seem really down lately. I'm worried about you."
• "Are you thinking about killing yourself?"
• "Do you have a plan, or something you would use?"
• "I care about you. I'm not going anywhere."
• "Let's call 988 together. I'll stay with you."

Is it OK to say the word "suicide"? Yes. Asking will not put the idea in their head. NIMH says studies show that asking people if they are suicidal does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior. Asking shows you are not scared off and that you will listen.

Then listen more than you talk. Let them cry, be angry, or be quiet. You can say, "That sounds really hard. Tell me more."

What should I not say?

Some things push people away, even when you mean well. Try not to:

• Promise to keep it a secret
• Argue, lecture or say "you have so much to live for"
• Say "you're just being dramatic" or "everyone feels that way"
• Make it about you: "How could you do this to me?"
• Try to be their only help, or their therapist
• Dare them, joke about it, or post about it

If you already said something you regret, that is OK. You can come back and say, "I didn't say that right. I'm here and I want to help."

Do I have to keep it a secret?

No. This is one secret you should not keep. The 988 Lifeline tells young people: if your friend is thinking about suicide, do not promise to keep it a secret. Tell them you will help, and that you need to bring in other people, like a trusted adult.

You can say it this way: "I love you too much to keep this to myself. Neither of us has to handle this alone."

Your friend may be upset with you at first. That is OK. A friend who is mad at you is still here, and that is what matters.

Who should I tell?

Tell an adult you trust today. It can be:

• Your parent or your friend's parent
• A school counselor, teacher, coach or nurse
• A youth pastor, faith leader or youth group leader
• A relative or another adult you trust

If the first adult does not take it seriously, tell another one. Keep going until someone acts.

At school: our suggestion is to go to the counseling office and say, "My friend told me they want to die. I need help." Ask to see someone today. If no counselor is free, tell a teacher, coach or nurse. The 988 Lifeline also says to bring in a trusted adult. In California, new student ID cards for grades 7 to 12 at public and private schools that issue them must list the 988 Lifeline. Check the back of your card.

Want to talk to someone first? You can call or text 988 yourself and say, "My friend told me they want to kill themselves. What do I do?" The 988 Lifeline says you can contact it any time if a friend is struggling.

When do I call 911?

Call 911 if your friend is in danger right now. For example:

• They have hurt themselves or taken something
• They have a gun, pills or another way to hurt themselves with them
• They say they are going to do it now, or are saying goodbye

Stay with them if it is safe for you. If you are not with them, tell 911 where they are, or where they live, as best you can. You can also call or text 988 while help is on the way.

Calling 911 can feel scary, especially if your family worries about police or immigration. Your friend's life comes first. If you are not sure it is an emergency, call or text 988 and ask. 988 says it rarely involves emergency services: less than 2 percent of calls. It does so only when someone is in danger of being hurt right now and a safety plan cannot be agreed on.

What if they told me by text or online?

By text or message: reply right away. Ask where they are and if they are safe. Try to call them. Then:

• If they are in danger right now, call 911 and give their address or location.
• If not, call or text 988 for advice, and tell an adult tonight. Do not wait until morning.
• Take screenshots. They can help an adult or counselor understand.

On social media: the 988 Lifeline says you can contact a platform's safety team, which will reach out to connect the person with help. 988 lists safety processes for Discord, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Reddit, Snapchat, TikTok, Twitch, X, YouTube and Bluesky (988 social media page). Use the report tool on the post. The menu wording is different in each app. 988 also notes that Tumblr no longer responds directly to suicide or self harm reports. If someone is in danger right now, call 911. Reporting is not enough on its own. Also reach out to them and tell an adult.

How do I take care of myself?

This is heavy. You may feel scared, guilty, angry, or numb. All of that is normal. The 988 Lifeline says it is important to take care of yourself when you support someone through a hard time.

• Talk to someone about how you feel. Your own counselor, a parent, or Teen Line, where you talk with another teen.
• You are not responsible for their choices. You did the brave thing by speaking up.
• Keep doing normal things. Eat, sleep, see other friends, do things you enjoy.
• Set limits. You can say, "I want to be there for you, and I also need an adult to help us."
• If you start having thoughts of suicide too, reach out today. Call or text 988.

If you are LGBTQ+, The Trevor Project has counselors for LGBTQ+ young people 24/7. Call 1-866-488-7386, or text START to 678678. If you would rather text with someone about how you feel, Crisis Text Line is 24/7: text HOME to 741741, or HOLA for Spanish.

For more places to talk, see Where a teen can talk to someone right now.

What happens after?

After your friend gets help, they may feel embarrassed, tired or quiet. Keep being their friend.

• Send a simple text: "Thinking of you. Want to hang out?"
• Treat them like you always did. They are still the same person.
• Do not spread the story. Let them decide who they tell.
• Keep watching for warning signs. If they come back, tell an adult again.

You can also help them make a safety plan for hard moments, with a counselor or trusted adult.

Common questions

What if I was wrong and they were fine? Then an adult checked on them and your friend knows people care. That is not a mistake. It is better to speak up and be wrong than to stay quiet.

What if my friend is older, or an adult? Do the same things: ask, stay, call 988, tell someone. Adults who are worried about another adult can see How to talk with someone you love about suicide.

Will my friend get in trouble? Getting help for thoughts of suicide is not about getting in trouble. It is about getting care. See Calling or texting 988 for what happens when you call.

I'm worried my parents will be upset. You can still tell another adult, like a school counselor, or call or text 988 yourself.

What if the worst happens? If you lose a friend to suicide, it is not your fault. Please get support. See Grieving someone who died by suicide.

Is there something I can keep on my phone?

Who can help

These are free helplines and public services. Contact them to confirm hours, languages and openings. Being listed here is not a referral or a promise of service.

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Free and confidential, 24/7/365. For you or a friend. Spanish: dial 988 and then press 2, or text AYUDA to 988. 988lifeline.org
• Teen Line: for young people up to 19. Trained teen volunteers listen. Call (800) 852-8336, 6 to 10 p.m., or text TEEN to 839863, 6 to 9 p.m., Pacific time. English only. After hours, calls go to adult counselors at Didi Hirsch. Teen Line
• The Trevor Project: for LGBTQ+ young people. Call 1-866-488-7386, text START to 678678, or chat, 24/7. thetrevorproject.org
• Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741, or HOLA for Spanish, 24/7. crisistextline.org
• San Mateo County Crisis Line and Mobile Crisis Response Team, for San Mateo County residents: (650) 579-0350, 24/7. Call for yourself, family or friends. The team can come in person. San Mateo County Health
• Santa Clara County Behavioral Health Services: call 988 from a 408, 650 or 669 number, or (800) 704-0900 and press 1. Talk to someone now

Parents and caring adults can see When your teen is struggling.

Speaking up for a friend takes courage. You are not alone in this, and neither are they. We are hoping with you.